酷儿们

看到第四集那里，最后Michael 对Alice 说这句话，然后背景音乐响起 真的鼻子一酸 脑袋一麻也许Alice 不是Michael 最爱的人 但她一定是Michael 最爱的女人这部剧真的太棒了 演员演技吊打 可以背下那么长的台词（近二十分钟）只靠言语和表情就被征服了过去的时代辛酸又凄美 对于这个群体 对于那些人 所以啊 从来就没有铺好的路 种好的树 现在他们享受到的自由与权利也是前人争取和付出得到的而在这个东方国度里 又还有多远呢

想要活成每一人，每一物。

不能做到的话，就活成少数人，边缘人，无法发声的物。

无论我们是谁，无论我们爱的人是谁。

写影像之书的初衷，想要活成每一人，每一物。

不能做到的话，就活成边缘人，少数人，非常人。

这里说的非常人绝非贬义。

事实上，每个人都是非常人，不是吗。

无论我们是谁，无论我们爱的是谁。

这周本来想写圣罗兰，艺术家，时尚宠儿，数不清的灵感，很有得写。

就在动笔前一刻，打开了17年的英剧《酷儿们》，然后就有了这一篇文章，很符合日落使我头皮痒的初心。

我想，圣罗兰与他的先生也会很高兴看到这一篇文章的。

不过，我也只能分享看完《酷儿们》的感受。

说感同身受和完全理解，那肯定是糊弄人的。

酷儿们的伟大时刻，在时空中分散的，将在爱中凝结成火。

《站台上的人》1917年，佩尔斯，士兵，一名瘦弱的同性恋。

记得我15岁的时候，在街上看到两名警察追捕疑犯。

我走过去询问，他们抓的是谁？

是奥斯卡·王尔德。

总是靠眼神，靠眼神就能知道。

那一瞥延续了有点长，然后才转向另一侧，像是黑夜里划过一束光。

一瞬流光的眼神，就足够了。

他，就是这样知道的。

我记得在复营——复苏营的第一天。

寂静，难以忍受的寂静，只有伤员。

我对莱斯利上尉说，我说：“你不会相信的，是吧？

”“听起来很好，”他说，“既然我们都在地狱里。

”当他笑着的时候，脸颊上的皱纹就像沙漠里的涟漪。

“你让这个小队有了保障，佩尔斯”，他跟我说，“你有着女人一样的细心。

”他突然握了我的手。

“泰伦斯，”他说，我没反应过来：“什么？

”他说，“我，“我的名字，泰伦斯•莱斯利，就叫我泰伦斯。

”“我还是叫你莱斯利上尉吧，”我说，“反正都是一样的。

”他又微笑了接着耸了耸肩。

他的睫毛很长。

长，而且是金黄色。

我不能看到他太多头发，因为他戴了帽子。

但有一天，我正在搬着担架，看到他脱下帽子，他的头发就那样露出来，玉米一样的金黄色。

我当时一定是盯着他的，因为他朝我咧嘴笑了，然后他拨开眼睛前的头发对我说：“快点，佩尔斯，赶紧跟上。

”但我没动，就一会儿……像我说的，就是，就是很长的一会儿。

我们躺在草地上，能听到苍蝇的嗡嗡声，但它们离得很远，离得近的是蝴蝶。

他的喉结上下起伏，他的头发金灿灿的，他下巴的弧度简直是……完美 。

他的唇色很深，嘴唇饱满，像黑莓一样，我想做的只是弯下腰……

那天，我们什么都没做。

可是，还是有人看到了我们。

他们想着，“哦，这儿有些什么？

”这简直有伤风化之类的，所以我要被调到别处去了，哦，当然了，我没能见一面上尉， 因为他也被调走了。

有一天，我就坐在火车的地板上，用帽子遮住眼睛，迷迷糊糊地睡着。

我不知道过去了多久，但当我醒来的时候外边是黑的。

火车进站了。

在车厢里只有夜灯零星的蓝光，让每个人都看起来像被截成了三段。

突然，我看到了他，的的确确是他，泰伦斯。

就在车窗外面，在站台上。

灰色外套，头发收在帽子里，干干净净。

他在跟某人说话，他们让他笑了，因为他的脸上又浮现出褶皱。

但他没看到我。

所以我挤过车厢，穿过人群，那并不简单，因为很多人都还没醒。

我被某个家伙绊倒了他还骂我。

但我走到了床边，拉下框格，窗外的空气很暖和。

我想做的就只有挥手。

当然了，我还能说什么？

“再见，莱斯利上尉？

”“再见，佩尔斯。

”但之后他也看到我了，扫了一眼，但仍在和他的伙伴聊天。

突然见，火车向前一抖。

开始制动，蓝光熄灭了，一下子一片漆黑。

整个车厢的人都开始抱怨，有人说：“他妈的灯又灭了。

”但我能感到的就只有心跳和空气，还有紧贴在车窗上的黑暗。

我的手紧抓着窗台。

然后有人握住我的手，窗户外面站台之上的某人，我知道，是泰伦斯。

他握着我的手，抬到嘴唇边上，然后轻轻吻了一下。

没有火车，没有军队，也没有战争。

只有他黑莓般的嘴唇，紧贴在我的手指上。

我脖子上的汗毛都竖起来了。

然后火车又向前抖动了一下，他放开了我的手，所有的蓝色光又亮了起来。

窗外只有蒸汽，蒸汽和黑暗。

《伟大的一天》 1994年，英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调至18岁，双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

1994年，我，17岁，同性恋。

今天，英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调至18岁，双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

我不明白，18岁在这里有什么用？

既然要撤罪，何不撤得更合理一点，我觉得定为16岁不是更好吗？

算了不想了，至少比起过去，这也算是一种进步。

你看，就在这间酒吧里，那里有一群同志们。

我认出他们了，他们昨晚也去了议会，还投了反对票。

我说拜托，哪一个同性恋会投反对票？

我不敢相信他们认为自己是有罪的。

我也去议会了。

感觉很奇怪，我以前总是一个人，不知道还有谁是......嗯，同性恋。

而昨晚，有很多人，我们都很棒。

我环顾四周，然后想：“这些都是好人。

”然后想，他们当然会投对票，怎么不会呢，投错了又有什么意义

然后我看到了他，他也看到了我。

他很可爱，我有点害羞，我跟他回了家，和他过了一夜。

他说他是BBC的会计员。

天哪，所以这真的是第一次，感觉做什么事都合法，和一个会计，我不知道自己在做什么，我还谎报了年龄说自己是18岁，但是他很好，很有耐心。

我确实是做了。

我在想：“现在来看看我在干嘛啊？

”我感觉真好。

《多点愤怒》1987年，英政府开展“艾滋病：不要死于无知”活动，这是一个重大的公共信息宣传运动，给英国的每个家庭都发了一份关于艾滋病的传单，警告说，我们无法分辨出谁感染了这种病毒。

我，菲尔，男演员，同性恋。

我在等待我的测试结果。

我不会的，只是碰巧，我只是不小心染上。

在荧幕上，我演的也是同性恋，经常被屠杀，染病，锒铛入狱，父母抛弃我，让我找个好女孩结婚。

总之，我不会有什么好下场。

不夸张，这些事在现实中也经常发生。

那天，我认识了一个人，他叫西蒙。

我原以为，爱情可有可无，床伴更加重要。

这是我的爱情魔咒，爱不了人。

可是今天，它被打破了，我的魔咒。

我爱上了他，西蒙，像中了毒。

我跟他回了家，他拥抱了我，告诉我他得了艾滋病。

“但是我把自己照顾得很好，你不用担心，你不会染上的。

”他对我说。

说实话，我当时害怕了。

我沉默了，逃走了，像个懦夫。

可是怎么办，西蒙打破了魔咒。

昨天，经纪人给我打电话让我去试镜，同性恋角色，克莱夫，没有生病。

BBC的人说，不会生病，都写在合同里了，活的，和其他角色一样，有主线，只是从同性恋的角度。

那就是进步了，不是吗。

至少不是在棺材里演完整场戏。

后来我想起西蒙，幻想我们牵手去电影院，哦我现在可以扮演恋爱中的样子了 。

这几天，警察关闭了很多同性恋酒吧。

他们戴着橡胶手套，说是为了躲避艾滋瘟疫。

我没想到会有一天，一个人只是由于爱上另一个人，就足够有罪了，甚至还是死罪。

许多我们爱的人死去了，剩下的人对这些事已经司空见惯，这世界太疯狂了。

他们说，同性恋等于艾滋病，我还需要更愤怒吗！

《想念爱丽丝》1954年，英国成立了专门委员会研究应该如何处理“同性恋犯罪与卖淫”。

1957年，英国政府报告提出“同性恋不是一种病”以及“任何成年人之间，在相互允许情况下，私下进行同性恋活动不应被认为是犯罪”我，爱丽丝，两个孩子的母亲。

我和迈克尔是在在教堂里遇见的，只相识了两个月，我们就结婚了。

可我们从来没有亲密地过夜。

当我们有了自己的房子，他总是很晚回家，一直说工作很忙。

有一天，他带了一份礼物回家，这让我很担心。

我问他，是哪个女人给他的礼物。

“不是个女人，爱丽丝。

”我懂了，我的丈夫是同性恋。

我们没有离婚，就这样以夫妻的名义度过了10年，我们还有一个孩子。

事实上，我也没有地方可去。

今天，我在报纸上看到了这份报告，同性恋不再是犯罪。

我们手挽着手，去看了电影。

回家的路上，我问他对这一报告有什么想法。

这倒不是出于担心，我只是好奇。

他笑了笑，什么都没说。

然后，当我们看完电影，在回家的路上，他突然说：“我会想念你的，爱丽丝。

”

我曾试图结束我的存在，我很擅长自杀。

在别人的故事中隐藏是很难过而恐怖的事。

在决定这些事的时候，至少问问当事人，我们是否可以代他们说话。

所以，包括你在内，所有的酷儿们，请骄傲地说出自己的故事吧。

无论我们是谁，无论我们爱的人是谁。

我要说，我是常人，我要说，我是非常人，我要说，我是我性。

他性，它性，她性，一旦被察觉，都是一样的。

下个月的今天，5月17日，是“反对仇视同性恋、双性恋与变性者国际日”——国际不再恐同日。

不要讲什么黑白，这个世界是彩色的。

Queers 松散的结构之下，其实是编剧有意为 LGBTQ 群体与群体之外的其他人找到了一种新的联系。

将视角放到更高的地位，看似 8 集毫不相干的不同主角的碎碎念，实际讲述了在各个重大历史事件之中，LGBTQ 群体所扮演的角色，尤其是影响了世界格局的一战二战，他们所冀盼的和平，和普通人无异，他们的付出，也不少于你和我。

1st Episode月台上的男人时间点放在一战背影的第一集无论是选角还是故事编排，我个人都觉得是8集里质量最高的。

故事编排工整，用主人公 Perce 人生中的两次月台之上的所见所闻，一方面勾画出了历史上著名的王尔德事件，同时也完成对自己的救赎。

本喵贡献了超出以往的高水平表演，文弱书生的气质也着着实实适合代入这种看似柔弱、实际倔强的角色。

初始颇为碍眼的浓密的胡子 mustache 随着独白的深入，竟然也和角色浑然一体了。

用王尔德事件作为开篇绝不是偶然，因为事件不仅仅将 LGBT 群体由黑暗阴影之中第一次推向耀眼白光之下，更是人类性解放运动的开端。

“对于这种爱的名字，本世纪无人敢于提及。

然而它是一名年长男子对于一名年轻男子所产生的极其伟大的感情，就像大卫和乔纳森，就像柏拉图哲学理论的基础，就像你从米开朗琪罗和莎士比亚的作品中所发现的精神。

它是深刻的精神之爱，既纯洁又完美。

”虽然没有任何场景，但本喵极富感染力的音调、恰到好处的表情克制和所述故事的细腻，让整个独白画面感非常强，犹如情景重现，细枝末叶都看得清清楚楚，甚至不知不觉在脑海里对王尔德的脸（未出镜）都有了一个更为具象的脸谱想像。

其中所描述的关于如何辨识同类，放之于任何男女之间的一见钟情，更是有异曲同工之妙。

“It's always the eyes. That's how you know. A glance held just that a little bit too long, dragged off to the one side, like the trail of a very light in the dark.眼神是最能辩明身份的。

多停留一秒、旋即抽神而去的目光，就如黑暗中那白日焰火般明了，两人心照不宣。

”2nd Episode出柜的好日子A Great Day Out 讲述了英国 LGBT 史上突破性的一刻，1994 年英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调到 18 岁双方同意的同性恋行为就不算犯法。

本集 17 岁主角 Andrew 的扮演者是诺兰毁誉参半的新片 Dunkirk 的男主角 Fionn Whitehead，依然是借由普通人的口吻来讲述最激烈的革命。

在独白中 Andrew 所说的那一句“仅仅被人忍受是不够的”刺穿了英国国会这一妥协的荒谬之处。

I don't want to be tolerated. 当然了，有进步总是好的。

3rd Episode袖手旁观的愤怒小狼的盛世美颜在第 3 集镇场，用一个演员自我读白来折射出 80 年代令人绝望的 AIDS 大爆发，AIDS 的爆发在当时被视作比癌症更为严重的洪水猛兽，但真正令人绝望的是政府对此的不作为。

其所扮演的演员 Phil 以扮演绝症患者为生，究竟在生命的最后一刻会怎么样的情绪，于个人可能更多的是会不会在痛苦中死去、死亡的过程会不会很快，又或者万一活了下来又会怎么样；但对于整个社会，可能更多的是对其不作为的愤怒。

4th Episode想念爱丽丝说到同性恋，同妻这个群体就不得不提及。

这是一个涉及到互相伤害、利益、世俗、情与欲的范畴。

无独有偶，BBC 最近也出了一个两集长度的《橘衫男子》，里面就有大量的关于同妻的描述。

你会觉得同妻所能获得的性生活很少，但实际并不然，真正将她们与快乐隔绝开来的是，是本来最能获得亲密的行为却在她们身上最大程度上烙下了伤痕，本来是除却巫山不是云的美好，却变成了冰冷身体的物理摩擦。

这种来自身边最亲密的人的打击，是最难痊愈的，有些人选择了忍气吞声，有些人选择了两败俱伤。

这一集所对应的则是 1954 年英国成为了一个专门委员会研究应该如何处理“同性恋犯罪与卖淫”，经过 62 次会议、听取 200 个以上团体和人人所作的证词、长达 3 年的激烈讨论和质证，委员会主席 John Wolfenden 在 1957 正式向英国政府提交报告称“同性恋不是一种疾病”以及“任何成年人之间、在相互允许的情况下、私下进行同性恋活动不应该被认为是犯罪”。

5th Episode战争缅怀者1967 年，英国英格兰及威尔士地区正式取消同性恋犯罪，规定年满 21 岁双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

同样是将同性恋去罪名化，你可以将这一集和第二集做个对比，相对于现代小孩对人权追求的强烈坚持，老一辈的人当时的态度看起来要消极得多。

6th Episode城市里最安全的一角这一集带着浓浓的二战情结，大背影是 1941 年德国纳粹发起的对英国首都伦敦实施战略轰炸，这一事件在《他们最好的》和动画电影《伦敦一家人》都有着非常明显的体现。

在更大的和平需求面前，LGBTQ 群体的参与感并不比寻常人要弱。

7th Episode完美绅士这是整个系列里的第二爱，讲述了一个无奈的蕾丝边儿骗炮的悲伤故事。

我们权游里的铁姐儿 Gemma Whelan 在这里继续是汉气十足的铁T，将那种欲求亲密而不得的无奈演绎得淋漓尽致。

若故事有一半属实，一根干蜡烛也能把男人可以做的事做完了，画面感太美我都不敢想了。

8th Episode借来之物这一集和第一集并列成为这个系列的最爱，因为我们亲爱的 Alan Cumming 说出了同性恋人那些细腻又温馨的细节，说到底，我们都是无可救药的浪漫主义者。

而这一切得以温馨回忆的细节，都得益一个世纪以来前人不断地争取和努力之下达成的同性婚姻合法化（2013年英国）。

第一次相遇时，他闻起来有棉花糖和香皂的味道，一种合适得迷人的味道。

他美好的像一个梦，仿佛是凭空的由阳光送来，是众神的宠儿，赤足的美少年，手持金箭，即使是林中狩猎，也是那么轻灵不沾尘，与血腥无关，只是追逐花的灵魂。

看着Ben这个忧郁的士兵，视力受损，心灵受创，说不定还有PTSD，一瞬间恍惚疑惑他是否沉浸于幻想。

看他吞吞吐吐，欲言又止，疏离和沉迷转换，一时Captain一时Terrance，眼神一时滚烫一时冰凉，身不由己！

剧本来源：BBC官方网站 搬运/侵删Queers. s01e01 Episode ScriptThe Man On the PlatformDouglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.A bit of company on a wet Friday night.Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.At least, not last time I was at the flickers.It's always the eyes.That's how you know.A glance held just that little bit too long, dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.After the do, the, um, interview ..the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps, "chaps like you and the captain, know one another?" So I told him.Not my words, something somebody said to me once."A certain liquidity of the eye." That's how HE knew.My eyes are bad, mind you.Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate, so I was shunted onto hospital work."Cushy", says Sam."That's a charabanc holiday, Perce."You always wanted to see France, didn't you?" I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.Our guns were going hell for leather.The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.Horrible green.Like the air was sick.Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in, the ones that can't walk.And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.Like left luggage.Have you ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.Some chaps can get very heavy.Those that can walk into the hospital ..are covered in mud and salt sweat.Caked in it.All stiff and cracked, like moving statues, like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.Silence.Not a moan or a groan.They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.Smoking, breathing, just about.Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready, they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking, they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you? "It's like It's like witchcraft." "Sounds about right", he says, "since we're in hell." But he says it with a smile and when he does that there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand."You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me."You've all the tenderness of a woman." And he shakes my hand."It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?" He says, "Me."My name.Terence Lesley."Do call me Terence."I can't bear all this formal rot." But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so, "I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same." He just smiles again and shrugs.And his eyelashes are long.Long and blonde.I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap, but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher ..and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.Yellow as corn.And I must have stared because he grins at me and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says, "Come along, Perce, stir your stumps." But I don't move.And just for a bit Well, like I say, held just a just a moment too long.Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.There you go.HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY I've always been a skinny bugger, me.Thin as a whip, Mother says.Father was the same.Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me, and there was one before us.A boy.But he died.He was called Percy, an' all.Poison berries.Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book, all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and ..that was that.Box, I think, the berries.Black, like little bullets.Like liquorice sweeties.Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that, along comes I and they call me Percy, too.A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid, but Mother always said that she could see him in me.And she looks so funny when she says that to me ..and she looks so sad.But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was another time she looked at me the same way.It was freezing, I remember that.We was waiting for a train.Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.We were to come with and make a day of it.I was 15, thereabouts.Albert was 12.I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in," so I say to the girl behind the tea stall, pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair, I ask her to get a shift on.She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another "quarter of an hour." So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?" And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.Policemen, at least I think they're policemen, but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.And between them, well, aa prisoner ..waiting to be taken away, I suppose.And it's not the first time I've seen as such.I used to see them a lot, poor bastards, shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap, sort of like a big bear of a fella.With a big slack, pouchy face.Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now, and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat is now shot through with grey.And he looks wretched.As well he might.There's rain dripping off his hair and down the creases in his big face.And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.And then he looks at me.And there it was.In that moment ..a certain liquidity of the eye.And then he looks back down at his boots and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.I stand there.And I think, "He knows me."He knows me for what I am."He can see it in me." And I start to shake.And it's not from the cold, it's shame.And fear and ..terror.And someone starts laughing.And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man as if he were like to eat her up.And then I hear it, a name.Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold."It's him, isn't it?" And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says, "You all right, Perce?" And he's proper worried.And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he He spits in his face.And Dad looked shocked.And just then, the train comes puffing into the station, steam everywhere.And I look back to the prisoner, but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.It smells of damp wool and musty, like church, and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of ..snaps me out of it."What was all that fuss about there, Clem?" And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his Kitchener 'tashe."You won't believe it," he says."Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison" "Who?" pipes up Albert.And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder."Oscar Wilde!" he says.And then Mum looks at me.Tender, like I've never had the nerve.That's the thing, I suppose.A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother I could always imagine Mother's face if she found out I'd been up to things.And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.I kept my own counsel, as they say.Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.Annie.And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.We courted for a long while, but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then, what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow, I got away with it.A lot of questions, of course.Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together for the first time."You married?" "No." "You got a girl?" "Well, I used to." And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.Hot as hell it was.Not what you think.People think of all that mud and rain, but we was there the live long year and sometimes it was hot and parched.Fucking flies everywhere.Blue and green bellies on them.Fat.Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.And Captain Leslie comes up to me and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says, "Come along, Perce, we're going hunting." And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies", because we're camped on this sort of downland.And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.I can still taste the dust.Chalky in your mouth and your hair and ..on the Dunlop tyres like white paint, because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.And it was only for a few hours but you could forget, you know, for a bit, everything that was going on.And we came to this sort of lake.It was a crater hole, I suppose, and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.And he's brick red from the sunshine, but not where his shirt's been, so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is He's like a ghost.And after we've swum about, we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies, so that's all right, and I just ..lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and ..his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.And his hair is golden.And the line of his jaw is just sort of ..perfect.Like a draughtsman's drawn it.Like I'd drawn it.And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.And all I want to do is bend down and And he opens his eyes ..and squints.And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.And he says, "We'd best be getting back." We all had on us the stench of death.The bread we ate, the stagnant water, everything we touched had a rotten smell.But that day, everything was OK.It was bright.And it was pure, you see? And nobody had seen, had they? I've done my bit.The officer mentioned that.Exemplary service.When he took me aside for a quiet word.And of course, what had Terence and me What had the Captain and me ..got up to? Sweet FA.But someone had seen us and ..they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?" And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I? Because he'd been transferred, too.I was packed onto this carriage ..sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.I don't know how much time has passed, but I wake up and it's dark outside.And the train's pulling into a station and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.They make everyone look three-parts dead.And the train pulls into the station and it's going slow, like, puffing, like some of them boys in the resus tent.And then, I do see him.Terence.He's out the window, on the platform.Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.And he's talking to someone.And they must have made him laugh cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.But he don't see me.So I push through the carriage past the other fellas and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me, but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash ..and the air outside is warm.And all I want to do is wave.But, of course, what can I say? Um "So long, Captain Leslie?" "So long, Perce." But then he does see me.He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal and just then the train lurches forward.The brakes go on and the blue lights go out and just like that, pitch-black.And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go," but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.And the darkness pressing against the window and my hand gripping the window ledge.And then someone takes my hand.Someone outside on the platform.And it's Terence.And he takes my hand and he just ..lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.There's just his bramble lips pressed against the tips of my fingers ..and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.And then the train lurches forward and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and Outside there's nothing but steam.Steam and darkness.Next Episode >Queers. Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts Queers. s01e02 Episode ScriptA Grand Day OutThere's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.You know, just round A couple of streets from here.Does completely veggie.I had a falafel.It was nice.It was OK.Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.Ah, shit.Oh, well.Two fellas over there.Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.There would be some honesty in that.We hate you and, you know, piss off.At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.It's impressive when you see it.The House of Commons.Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.I just come down on my own.I wasn't planning to.I hadn't thought of it, really.I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.I should go." You know, show them that we count.You know, we do exist.It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.I just knew he was important, Jarman.I've seen his version of The Tempest.It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.I never even knew they were a thing.And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.I haven't watched it yet.That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.Morons.There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.Daz.All he'd talk about was wanking.You know, he was obsessed.It's all he went on about.And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.Wanking or punching.And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like."This is like1984." I couldn't wait to leave.I ran from that place.Well, metaphorically.Well, literally.They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.I hated it.We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.Most people were in groups, actually.I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.There were some banners and signs and people had candles.You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.I saw him looking.Caught his eye.Looked back.He was You know, he was lovely.I can be a bit shy.And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.You know, 200.Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.I don't know anyone else who's gay.And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people." And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.And I know you shouldn't do that.And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.That's the point.And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know ..ten minutes.Then everyone went home.And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.That's kind of interesting, the distortion.I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.We were all just fed up.And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.That's his name, Marcus.Of course it is, sorry."Mar-cous".We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.It was a bit Not It was OK.I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.It's not snobby.I'm not a snob.My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not ..you know, posh.Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.He's a lot older than me.He's 30, but he was You know, nice.He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.He had this jam that's made without any sugar.And we talked a bit.He said he'd been on a few marches and things.You know, not just gay, but other stuff.Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now." You know, because I'm 18.I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.But when he came back in the living room with the bedding ..he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.The duvet didn't have a cover on it.The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it." So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.He's all right.He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.And that seemed to go down well.And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude." But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock." But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.And Sean.We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.I almost wished he wouldn't.I almost wanted him to just go for it.Almost.And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.It didn't seem as important as it might have done.I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.I had a real coffee earlier.I think it's kicking in.There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now." You know, fucking And that felt great.Oh, I felt great.You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.I wasn't dwelling on them.I'm not a pervert.But it did give it a A frisson.HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.I've only ever seen it written down.That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and ..all I could think was .."I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.Have you tried it? I had some once.I wouldn't go mad.It's not really a substitute.He's got his hand on his leg now.Those two blokes.It's just nice to see.You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.They won't be expecting me to be on it.They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.You know, it was good fun.It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 ..then I'd have gone straight home.< Previous EpisodeNext Episode > Queers. s01e02 Episode ScriptA Grand Day OutThere's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.You know, just round A couple of streets from here.Does completely veggie.I had a falafel.It was nice.It was OK.Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.Ah, shit.Oh, well.Two fellas over there.Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.There would be some honesty in that.We hate you and, you know, piss off.At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.It's impressive when you see it.The House of Commons.Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.I just come down on my own.I wasn't planning to.I hadn't thought of it, really.I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.I should go." You know, show them that we count.You know, we do exist.It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.I just knew he was important, Jarman.I've seen his version of The Tempest.It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.I never even knew they were a thing.And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.I haven't watched it yet.That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.Morons.There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.Daz.All he'd talk about was wanking.You know, he was obsessed.It's all he went on about.And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.Wanking or punching.And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like."This is like1984." I couldn't wait to leave.I ran from that place.Well, metaphorically.Well, literally.They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.I hated it.We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.Most people were in groups, actually.I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.There were some banners and signs and people had candles.You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.I saw him looking.Caught his eye.Looked back.He was You know, he was lovely.I can be a bit shy.And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.You know, 200.Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.I don't know anyone else who's gay.And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people." And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.And I know you shouldn't do that.And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.That's the point.And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know ..ten minutes.Then everyone went home.And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.That's kind of interesting, the distortion.I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.We were all just fed up.And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.That's his name, Marcus.Of course it is, sorry."Mar-cous".We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.It was a bit Not It was OK.I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.It's not snobby.I'm not a snob.My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not ..you know, posh.Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.He's a lot older than me.He's 30, but he was You know, nice.He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.He had this jam that's made without any sugar.And we talked a bit.He said he'd been on a few marches and things.You know, not just gay, but other stuff.Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now." You know, because I'm 18.I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.But when he came back in the living room with the bedding ..he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.The duvet didn't have a cover on it.The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it." So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.He's all right.He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.And that seemed to go down well.And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude." But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock." But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.And Sean.We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.I almost wished he wouldn't.I almost wanted him to just go for it.Almost.And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.It didn't seem as important as it might have done.I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.I had a real coffee earlier.I think it's kicking in.There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now." You know, fucking And that felt great.Oh, I felt great.You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.I wasn't dwelling on them.I'm not a pervert.But it did give it a A frisson.HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.I've only ever seen it written down.That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and ..all I could think was .."I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.Have you tried it? I had some once.I wouldn't go mad.It's not really a substitute.He's got his hand on his leg now.Those two blokes.It's just nice to see.You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.They won't be expecting me to be on it.They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.You know, it was good fun.It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 ..then I'd have gone straight home.< Previous EpisodeNext Episode >

这个故事讲了一个微妙的主题：“禁忌”。

禁忌来自于外界的长期压迫和歧视，但这种禁忌早已被酷儿们内化成了内心的压抑和矛盾。

禁忌既给这位少年带来了喷薄的快感，又让他在快感之后全身心地担忧父母有没有在电视上看到自己。

这个故事虽然很简单，传递的信息却很丰富，不仅是禁忌的正反两面，还有许多其他矛盾多面的东西：在这个少年身上，有对不公的义愤，但也有赤裸裸的软弱；有迷惘不知方向（他对示威活动的描述，虎头蛇尾，并且几乎走题），但也有坚定和此志不渝（他无数次提到了自己的基友Sean，相当高级的告白啊）；有羞涩胆怯不敢言说（小哥儿连三明治好不好吃都不敢直说，再三地掩饰和改口），却也有直抒心声的勇气。

#Queers好久没有看过如此有质感的剧了，片头/尾的钢琴旋律不愿错过半秒，灯光、布景与服饰，精致而精确。

每一集都像是一场引导冥想，置身，共情：或莞尔，或兴奋，或悲伤，能闻到皮革和烟草的香。

当下还有什么能让人专心看一个人絮叨。

感恩自己的阅历与对大英的了解，才能有这般体味。

Missing Alice这集目前Top1，故事和表演均为上乘！

小鲜肉Fionn的演技简直，把怯懦紧张时絮叨的少年活现，如果这不是他本人的性格那愈加期待敦刻尔克了。

小本这集很心水，小本演技数一数二，故事如指肚触碰水面的沁透激凉。

期待最后一集…#LongLiveBritish #LongLiveBBC

第一集The man on the platform 婉约深邃的情感和第四集Missing Alice 怅然成空的遗憾，细腻得直击人心，只是这种情感的共鸣最终在第七集的时候衰竭，走向不可抑制的诘问：为什么即使在LGBTQ这个本应代表包容的议题里，女性的声音仍旧弱势？

我当然能认同她对男装和男性身份的渴望，但这显然混淆了Les的自我身份认知/Les的刻板印象……你知道什么是解决办法吗？

多来几个女同角色吧！

刚开始觉得一个人的独白撑起整集剧有点无聊，然后渐渐的发现他就像是在跟你聊天，喝水啊剔牙啊还有时常不经意地笑一下，注视着镜头时，目光如水。

你可以透过一潭深水看见故事里的硝烟，看得见火车的蒸汽，周围一片漆黑有人在吻你的手；你可以感受得到他们的苦涩，看着他们痛苦地挣扎，听得见他们感叹the fucking life。

最记得小狼在最后含着泪说的那句话，在八十年代，当一个同性恋不只要面对艾滋病那么简单。

这样够愤怒了吗

看着Ben Whishaw从青涩的年代演着演着就有了胡须。。。

没变的是他灰蓝色眸子中深深的忧郁。

《故园风雨》中那个痴情的公子，散散地躺在湖边的草地上，说了很长的一段表白：我希望在这里埋下一罐金子，等老了的时候挖出来慢慢回忆。。。

大意如此，之间的一根烟呼吸间让之句话多了本.卫肖式的风格。

只看了两集，却知道“On the platform”一定是最精彩的。

你见过只有独白和面部表情的电影吗？

镜头一直停留在他阴郁而风霜的面部，眼神、口角以及英伦的发音的词语说出了时候的动作。

就像眼中一道流光闪过，对字幕上翻译的是流光。

跟着他缓缓的描述我们看见在金盏花和罂粟盛开的山坡上，一池湖水as clear as glass，身边躺着的Leslie是否是个暧昧的名字我不得而知，但我看到了本描述中大理石雕塑一样完美的侧脸，让人有想吻上去的冲动。。。

直到他的铁灰色眼睛里涌出泪水的那一刻，我知道并不是因为悲伤，而是认同的幸福。

也许他们再未谋面，但那又怎样呢？

那罐金子可以让他慢慢地回忆起一个阳光灿烂的午后、湖水边。。。